That Time I Was a Lousy Security Guard

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That Time I Was a Lousy Security Guard

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Before I begin, I just want to say that I have a newfound respect for security guards and the work that they do. I remember watching silly movies like Paul Blart: Mall Cop where actor Kevin James played a security guard who was trying to make ends meet but customers never took him seriously, and sadly, neither did I.

What seemed like a joke to me as a kid, turned really serious, real fast, when I became a security guard myself. 

Throughout my life, I have always been good at finding new ways of getting out of my comfort zone to explore different life experiences. I think it keeps things fresh and lets me meet some very interesting people. 

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On the first day of the security job, I arrived an hour early to the plant and asked the supervisor if I could start a little early, and she said sure. The supervisor was a very nice person, but unfortunately, I couldn’t understand a single. word. she said every time she spoke to me.

I found myself using a lot of filler words like — oh really?, aw that’s cool, ohhh that’s nice — all because I didn’t want to be rude and ask her to clearly pronounce her words. I even felt bad for asking her what she said every few minutes. 

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The Dreaded Stench

The events that proceed thereafter are locked in my memory forever. I don’t think I will ever be able to forget those experiences even if I wanted to. As the supervisor showed me around inside the plant and introduced me to the laundry workers, the stench that lingered in the room was horrendous; it made me fearful for my nostrils.

I couldn’t believe that people were going about their merry lives like they didn’t notice the terrible smell. Also, as the supervisor was introducing me to the laundry workers, she accidentally spat on my face. The sweaty spit hit my bottom lip and my eyebrow like a bullet, I almost screamed.

For the majority of the training, I still couldn’t understand what the supervisor was saying. All I caught was that some co-worker stunk and she didn’t know how to bring it up to him. I recommended that she buy the guy a gift basket full of deodorants, beautiful scents, and soaps and tell him that she wants him to smell nice for his girl. 

Let’s Take A Ride

At 9pm, we drove the security guard van to Sheetz to get a milkshake in 24 degree weather. I didn’t get a milkshake. I just sat in the car and counted the minutes until I could drive home. After 20 minutes, the supervisor came out with a hot chocolate and some lottery tickets. I guess she changed her mind about the drink. 

We also talked about my work hours for the future a lot, and in the back of my mind I’m sitting there thinking I’m never coming back here. 

At this point, I’m thinking about how I even got myself in this situation and when I could get out of here. We also listened to a lot of country music. Sooo much country music. I like country music, but I like it in doses. This was just way too much.

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Round Two 

As if the first day wasn’t enough, I came back the next day for some more fun (I’m totally being sarcastic here). This time, the supervisor and I ventured into two main plant freezer coolers every. two. hours. to check the temperatures. There were 8 large sections in each cooler that all had different temperatures.

In the first section, the highest temperature was 28 degrees. But as we went deeper into the cooler, this is where I questioned my sanity and my ability as a human being to make sound life decisions. When we got deeper and deeper into the cooler, the temperature kept dropping down until the last section read a whopping 0 degrees. Now imagine doing that for another cooler. every. two. hours. 

Yep, I quit that night.

Have you ever quit a job after spending a short amount of time on the job? Why did you quit?

Please share your thoughts below.

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Josie D. is a content writer and editor. She's passionate about encouraging millennials to practice genuine self-care. She also wants to help millennials dress the part, travel to cool places, and feel good about themselves! 💕✨

2 thoughts on “That Time I Was a Lousy Security Guard

    1. wow 26 years?! that is amazing, thank you for all of your hard work! haha after the experience I had, I just knew it wasn’t for me lol

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